web designing, copywriting, f*ck giving

Recently I've been really tired because of, well, my university got me busy with assignments and such.

I really feel hopeless about my future. After all, all I like to do is to draw something I only like to draw. I think it was a mistake too, that I got stuck inside a design department. I am really not suited here. Whenever I see design magazines and books which my lecturers often use for references, I always question myself : Is it only me who thinks those look bad? And I don't even have any design hero. My lecturers often say the name David Carson and Neville Brody, but if I see their works myself, I can't understand what's so good about it.

Well, not a long time ago I somehow thought that I can have a future too.
There is a company of awesomeness. They make illustrations and concept design for animation, movie and games, and they even make comic books, and they design toys too.
My hope was really high back then. I thought maybe they would like to hire me.
But, nah, my dream was scattered in 3 seconds. From how I see it, they usually draw American style which I am not used to do, and realistically awesome, which I can't do.
And, duh, digital art. Tablet skill is a requirement and I don't even have one. I already insisted my mom for times that I really need it, but my mom doesn't give a f*ck. Instead, the money I've been collecting since middle school is used to pay my college fee. Well, I know it's for my own sake too, but to be honest I already told them that I don't want to go to college.

And that's my one crushed dream.

Next one is my other crushed dream. Hah.

I have a high interest in flash. Personally I think it's really good especially with technology these days. Printed medias are declining. That's why I think I should master flash for my future.

Too bad! There's HTML5 now. I'm f*cked.

Beside flash, I am also interested in web designs. For the same reason it is. Rather than the design itself, I prefer to study the codes and script. And that is why, I think I picked the wrong path.
Especially, studying HTML and CSS in my college for about 3 months now doesn't really change anything. I'm still confused and don't understand a thing. I don't know if it's just me and my bad perceiving ability, or it's actually the lecturers with bad teaching skill.
And they don't teach HTML5 as well. Even though, from how I read from other source, HTML5 is more user friendly and easier to use. But perhaps I'm wrong. Haven't study of it at all, how could I know?

And, the lecturers were hoping so much about us. I don't know, they always give us a pretty harsh comment or constructive criticism. My last project was criticized pretty harsh even though I think it's good as it is. Well, I know that the design was pretty meh, but I like it more functional than aesthetically good. Functionality first!
And I am really stuck with designs. Designs and arts are always subjective and it will never be 100% objective. That's why I can't tell what's good and what's bad. Just like there are people who likes Justin Bieber and people who hates Rick Roll. Always subjective.

And.... Now I'm working on my next project and now I'm stuck with what to write.
I like languages and literature but when it comes to copywritings, I'm dead meat.
It's really hard even though the only thing I should do is to describe myself. Maybe it's because I don't like to describe myself it is so hard.

Oh well. Nobody gives a f*ck anyway///